The separation of two people, who had vowed to be together through ups and downs, sickness and health, is a very sad time which involves doubt, disillusionment and a lot of sadness.

In such a situation, children are bound to be affected by the unhappiness in the lives of the two people they love the most in the world. Apart from their parents hurting, it is a very uncertain time for the children when they feel insecure and torn apart.

The life that children are born to is what their parents create for them. Their identity, security and perspective of the world around them, come from their parents. When divorce is imminent, their very world falls apart. Even in situations when the divorce is as amicable as possible, children are affected as it calls for a big change.

Children and Emotional Issues Post Divorce

Not all children suffer the same emotional consequences post divorce but all children do suffer. Depending on the age of the child and the mental make up, the emotional issues are either very deep and leave a scar for life or manifest themselves in some reactionary behavioural pattern.

Some children become very resentful of their parents for having disrupted their hitherto stable lives. They become rebellious and angry at the world and their way of dealing with their suffering can be to make others suffer. Children who turn angry and rebellious post their parents? divorce need a lot of understanding and guidance to help channel their feeling into more productive ways.

Some children become passive aggressive where their way of rebellion and dealing with their angst is turned internally and they are constantly in a state of turmoil though they may not display any obviously aggressive behavioural patterns. Since this is not an obvious pattern the signs have to be closely monitored and addressed by someone the child trusts and knows they can open up to. At such times, it may not be either of the parents that the child will open up to.

There are yet other children who ostensibly seem well adjusted to the fact that their parents are divorced but may affect how they establish relationships as adults.

Legal Issues

Divorce is never simple and straight forward as there are several ramifications and consequences. If a couple do not have children then it is a lot easier. However, if children are involved there are several legalities that come into play.

If the parents want to minimise the turmoil that their children are facing, they can amicably decide on matters like child custody, visitation rights and child support. If both parties are in agreement then it helps to have the legalities ironed out fairly soon.

When both parties are feuding and hell bent on causing destruction to the other party, then the legal process becomes a battle of egos that the children get drawn into and it adds to their emotional scars.
If one parent is given custody and the other gets visitation rights, both parents have to leave their personal animosity out of the equation and encourage the children to have the same love and respect for both their parents.

Conclusion

It is a fact of life that divorce has become a common occurrence. People do not want to spend even a moment longer than necessary in a situation that isn?t exactly what they want it to be. While divorce is a personal choice, what cannot be compromised is the future of the children from the marriage. Both parents have to set aside their personal differences and make it their sole responsibility to ensure that the children?s needs are taken care of.

The children are the innocent victims of divorce and extra time should be spent to organise their lives in such a manner that there isn?t too much upheaval. Any legal stances taken should be made keeping in mind what the children would benefit from most.

Parents should put up a united front in all matters concerning their children and communicate to them that while they may not be together, they will always remain parents and their priority is the children.
Divorce may perhaps be inevitable but the bottom line is that parenting is permanent and should be conveyed to the children.

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James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see www.quickie-divorce.com