“To the unmarried and to the widows I say that it is well for them to remain single as I do.”?
(1 Corinthians 7:8)

The immortal words of St.

Paul, who quite possibly had experienced the pain of separation and divorce first hand prior to penning these words, and who certainly dealt with relationship breakdowns in every church he pastored.

I seem to be at that stage of life now where all my friends are getting divorced. I’ve long passed that stage where all my friends are having their 21st’s. And I’ve passed the stage where they are all getting married, and even the one where my friends are all having children. Now I’m up to the ‘all my friends are getting divorced’ stage. I suppose the only one left after this is the ‘all my friends are dying’ stage. Not much to look forward to really.

Of course in terms of divorce I led the way. I managed to stuff up my marriage long before almost any of my peers. It’s nothing to be proud of, but at least it means that no one needs fear that I’m going to judge them. Who me? I don’t think so.

The disturbing thing for me at the moment is that it seems to be all the couples that I’ve most looked up to as couples that are now falling apart as couples!

When it come to some of the couples I know - such as where the guy deliberately gets the girl pregnant because he figures that having a child will give him the motivation to give up is heroin habit - I sort of expect those marriages to last only a couple of years at best. And yet it’s not those couples that are falling apart. It’s the marriages made up of men I admire for their integrity and courage, who are married to women who are loyal, nurturing and understanding. And most of these people are good, solid, church-going Christian folk. It’s not supposed to happen this way!

I was talking to a girl recently whose relationship had only just broken up after some 20 years of marriage. She was not a part of the church and said that she’d never be. For her the final proof of the non-existence of God was the way in which men and women had evolved with an in-built incompatibility. Her analysis was simple but profound. Men have evolved as creatures that need only to eat and mate. Women have evolved as creatures that need to nurture and nestle. Hence, not surprisingly, we find that men can’t handle monogamy and that women can’t live without it. Marriages are thus biologically doomed to failure from the outset, and the statistics on modern marriages would seem to bear her out. How could a loving God have created men and women in such a way that they were genetically geared towards their mutual destruction?

It’s a good question. Every male knows that his biological drives are not geared towards monogamy ? not lifelong monogamy at any rate. Conversely, it is unrealistic to expect women to settle for anything less than monogamy in today’s society. Does this mean that God is cruel, or is there something in the whole marriage concept that we’ve missed?

I wonder if at the heart of the problem is the assumption that we all make? That marriage is supposed to make us happy. Indeed, I suspect that most of us believe that the institution of marriage was brought into being for the very purpose of making us happy.

Weren’t we all brought up to believe that love and marriage go together like horse and carriage, and that the phrase ‘they got married’ should generally be followed by the accompanying phrase ‘and they lived happily ever after’? Perhaps that’s the problem. Perhaps we need to look beyond musicals and fairy tales to find a basis for our adult relationships.

I don’t think any of us seriously imagines that our institution of marriage came about because some individual had a ‘bright idea’ one day about how he could make everybody happy. Marriage is a social institution, and social institutions are developed because they serve a social purpose, not because they bring personal fulfillment to certain individuals within the community. Whether or not you believe God created marriage makes no difference. If He did, God did it for the sake of the community as a whole and not for the sake satisfying every individual’s social, emotional and sexual needs.

It makes sense when you think about it. What is the purpose of marriage? To create a stronger society. Strong marriages create strong families who build a stronger community. Marriages contribute stability. They contribute structure. And most importantly, marriages contribute children.

Read through your Old Testament and you’ll get the feel for what marriage is all about. Marriage is all-important because without marriages there are no children and without children there is no army. This is why baby boys are more valued than are baby girls. This is why gays get such a hard time. This is why childlessness is such a curse, and why polygamy is a far better alternative than singleness. It’s not because the individuals involved prefer it that way. Marriages are there for the sake of the community first and foremost. If an individual finds satisfaction in his or her marriage, then that’s a bonus.

So how come every time someone says ‘I’m not happy in my marriage’ we treat it as if something is horribly wrong? If someone expresses dissatisfaction with other social institutions, such as the government or the taxation system.. we don’t normally get too worked up. Maybe it should be the other way round? Maybe when we hear someone speak of their joy in marriage we should react as if they were speaking of their love of Queen and country.. giving them a sort of quizzical smile that expresses admiration without empathy.

I suppose the truth is somewhere between these extremes. Nobody would deny that the institution of marriage can be of some assistance in helping us to satisfy our individual social, emotional, and sexual needs. The truth is though that no marriage is ever going to satisfy all of those needs and desires. We human beings just weren’t created to have all our needs for companionship, security and intimacy met by one other solitary individual. We need a community.

This brings us to the positive side of the marriage-community equation. Marriages exist for the sake of the community as a whole. That’s the bad news if you thought that your marriage existed for the sake of your individual happiness. On the other hand though, the community exists to meet those needs we all have as individuals. That’s the good news.

Our individual needs for companionship, security and intimacy can be met. They just can’t be met by one solitary person. We have to learn to draw upon the group for our sustenance, and find support and affection from a variety of people within the community. I think that’s a large part of what church is supposed to be about.

So where does this leave us? Is there any hope for the modern marriage? Not so long as people look to marriage as a means to making all their dreams come true. Not so long as individual men and women look to their partners to satisfy all of their social, emotional and sexual needs. Not so long as we demand that our marriages make us happy.

Yet what would happen if we all began to approach marriage in an entirely different way. What if we began to look at our marriages as being the most significant contribution we could make to the broader community?

What if we saw the importance of our roles as parents in terms of the great good that could be achieved in the community if we bring up our children to be strong and capable? What if we stopped assessing our partners and our children in terms of the amount of satisfaction they bring us, and were able to see those relationships as being our gifts to humanity? Perhaps then we’d find ourselves saying things like ‘well, I don’t get on brilliantly with my wife, but I think we’ve managed to achieve some fine things together and that the world is a better place for our union, and perhaps that’s more important than my individual happiness’.

OK. That’s a long way from where we’re currently at in this society, but I have a feeling that it would be a better place to be.

.
Rev. David B. Smith (the ‘Fighting Father’) Parish priest, community worker,martial arts master, pro boxer, author, father of three.
Get a free preview of Dave’s book,Sex, the Ring & the Eucharist when you subscribe to his newsletter at www.fatherdave.org

Anyone who has experienced divorce can tell you first hand it is one of the most stressful events you will ever face. That is especially true for those who are also parents.

The day to day challenges of parenting are significant enough without divorce and the challenges that come with attempting to recover from such a significant loss complicate the parenting process for everyone, including those who are normally less impacted by stress issues. Stressed parents find they are less tolerant, irritable and angry, depressed, and down right miserable at times. The good news- you can do something about it if you find yourself in that boat.

Stress is normal part of the divorce process. In fact, stress is commonly under identified by divorcees as the primary reason for difficulties. Too often, divorcees focus their attention on anger and sadness issues, rather than identifying some pretty simple things they can do to deal with stress. Understanding how stress impacts you, your ex-spouse, and your children can help you to appropriately and effectively navigate the divorce process.

Stress is basically our reaction to change. Yes it is more complicated than that, but at it the core of almost all stress is change. First of all, there are times in our lives when we should be stressed. Those times usually revolve around significant life changes such as death of a loved one, job changes, moves, change in normal routine, health related issues, and change in family make up. Obviously, divorce can bring some or all of these changes to the table. So, it makes sense that stress plays a vital role in the entire divorce experience.

Recognizing what is happening with you, your ex, and your children can help you to choose the proper approach to dealing with things. When significant change enters our lives, control becomes an important part of the equation. When we feel out of control and powerless, stress levels tend to rise, and frankly there are few life situations outside of divorce where you will feel more powerless. Naturally, when a person feels out of control, they often attempt to control something or many things. Often, divorcees and children in divorce attempt to control what is happening around them, and very often they attempt to control other people.

Do not under estimate this control issue in your own levels of stress and that of other people involved in your divorce. Divorced parents frequently attempt to alleviate their stress by controlling their ex-spouse or children. And very often, the reaction to these attempts to control is negative.

If you want to immediately reduce your stress try this: Sit down at your kitchen table with a note pad and list 10 things you can absolutely, without doubt, control right away. For example, you can control what time you get up each morning. You can control what you eat. You can even control whether or not you allow yourself to get drawn into an argument with your ex. You can control whether you set yourself up for an argument with your ex or not. You can control what you watch and the type of people you surround yourself with during this crisis. I’ve given you 6 things to start with that you can control. Add 4 to this list and you are on your way. Or come up with 10 of your own. Even small things can make a difference when combined with other things. Once you have a list of things you can control the next step is to follow through. A list alone will change nothing. But, if you work toward controlling those things on your list, you are on your way to successful stress management.

Controlling what you can will make a difference. The more things you put together, the more control you feel you have of your life, even when a lot of big things are outside of your control. So, the next time your ex is doing something you do not like, your attorney fails to return your call, and your child refuses to follow your instructions, take a moment to control some things you can control and your stress levels will inevitably feel drop. The biggest mistake you can make is attempting to control things that are outside of your control. Recognize those things that are beyond your power and do not attempt to change them, you will have more success when you are realistic about what can be controlled and what cannot.

.
Matt Doyle has 14 years experience as a mental health professional. He is a family therapist and divorce parent coach with hundreds of hours under his belt working with divorced families. Learn more about divorce parenting at www.divorce-parenting.com

Affairs are something that many people always believe will not happen to them, but they happen to a lot of people that most of us think seem very happy.

No marriage, no person, and no set of people are immune from extramarital affairs. Unfortunately, many people give up on the relationship once an affair has occurred. Getting past an affair is difficult, but it is not impossible. If both people are dedicated to overcoming an affair, the marriage can go on to be quite solid and free of future affairs.

Communication
Moving past an affair is often about good communication. Both people must be able to tell the other how they feel, what they were feeling during the affair, when the affair had ended, and how they are feeling presently. If both people are not willing to discuss their feelings, even the very private feelings they may be hesitant to share, the relationship will likely fail. An affair does not have to be the end of the world, but if two people cannot communicate it?ll never get better. In fact, it may actually deteriorate even more.

Getting Help
Most couples that successfully move past an affair seek some professional help from a counselor, psychologist, or even their priest or pastor. A third party can help to provide unbiased insight to both parties so that they can better their relationships. Affairs don?t usually happen to those that are completely fulfilled, and a counselor can often help people understand why the affair happened this time so that it doesn?t happen again. A counselor often acts as a buffer between the couple until tensions have cooled and they can talk about things reasonably and without a lot of emotion.

Feeling Through It
An affair can?t be exposed and then forgotten, it must be dealt with. Some people can get over the fact that their loved one has had an affair in a few months, while others take years and years to get over it. The fact of the matter is that the person that was cheated on will go through a whole host of emotions and it is a process that has to be embraced. This doesn?t mean that the person that cheated should be abused, but they should expect some hurt feelings on the part of the person that was cheated on as well as some anger and distrust.

Letting Go
While the person that has been cheated on is entitled to be mad and hurt for a period of time, eventually the relationship has to begin to heal. There is no time period that can be put on this stage, but eventually one has to accept that it happened and be willing to move forward. Letting go doesn?t mean that you put blind trust in the one that had the affair again, but it means that you have hope for the future and hope that you have both learned from the affair and will do better with what you know now in the future.

Relationships are hard, and they take work. Affairs are devastating to all that are involved, but if you are willing to work really hard, you can get through them. It won?t be easy, and your relationship will be forever changed, but it can survive an affair.

.
Jenna Stevenson founded the sex toy forum The Latest Vibe and reviews sex toys at Batteries Not Included - Adult Toys

Join any major dating site for a while and you will see the same faces come round again and again. They are not ugly or evil or dangerous people. They are ordinary people like you and me, and yet for some reason love is eluding them.

They are suffering from PDSD - Post Divorce Stress Disorder. (Don’t Google it - I made it up!)

The internet is peppered with the walking wounded. Literally tens of thousands of divorced or jilted people from all over the computerised world are looking for new love. Naturally, there are success stories with happy endings. But the vast majority are frustrated individuals who just cannot - or more accurately will not fall in love. They’ve been hurt once before - and that’s once too often. Not only that, but the pain of rejection that being divorced can engender, leads them to fear that they aren’t actually loveable. They hope and fervently believe that new love is the antidote: that they will recover from their divorce trauma if the knight or princess of their dreams shows up.

This tragedy is avoidable. Divorce recovery is possible and rapid once you understand where the pain came from in the first place.

Why Do You Want A Relationship Anyway?

To discover that you have to first ask yourself why anyone wants a relationship. The answer is not obvious, but it is simple. In just about every generation up to about the 1950s, people got into relationships because it was inevitable. Sooner or later, procreation was going to take place, and pregnancy meant that mothers needed economic support which was, of course, provided by fathers. Roles were clear, nature played a big part. Whether relationships were “happy” or the couple were “in love” were secondary considerations. The relationship itself was primary, and at all costs was made to survive until death did them part. Add in social and religious pressures, and no wonder our grandparents and all of their forbears stayed together for life.

Nowadays we have a completely different agenda. It boils down to this: we will only stay in a relationship, or even enter into one, if it feels better than not doing so.

In other words, relationships have to make us happy or we’re out. That’s what leads to the break ups and the divorces - and also the quest for new love. It is the eternal, restless search for happiness. But, seductive as it might seem, another romance will not make you happy. Why not? Because your happiness comes from inside you, not from the presence of another.

The fact remains, though, that broken relationships lead to broken hearts, and broken hearts hurt. Pain leads to fear, and fear leads to either a total giving up, or an attempt to half commit - with resulting unsatisfactory relationships all round.

Now, we have the ingredients for the antidote to the pain of divorce.

There are two things, really. First, love yourself. Sounds simple, I know, and can take a lot of work to achieve if you’re not used to it. Plus, it’s made harder by having been rejected through divorce before. (”Who’d want me?”). If you can feel good about the person you’re guaranteed to wake up with every day of your life, no one can hurt you, because that’s your inner strength. It wouldn’t matter how many times someone told Arnold Schwarzenegger he was a weakling, would it? He would always know that wasn’t true.

Secondly, get clear, really clear, about what you want. And then be honest about that. Do you really want to be with someone with young children? Do you mind if the lovely person you’ve just met has an almost zero libido? Or an insatiable one?

Be flexible with yourself about this. Your wants and needs are going to change. They won’t be the same three months after the end of a relationship as they will be when three years have elapsed. So you have to learn to listen to your inner self, and not only hear it, but trust it and act on its advice!

What this amounts to actually reduces to an amazing and simple formula for finding and keeping true love. Get to know, like and love the person you spend every day with. (For full details of who that is, check your nearest mirror!) Start with gratitude. Find three things a day, (first thing in the morning is good - it sets you up for the day). Three a day to be grateful for. How about your health? Or your intelligence. Or your tenacity in looking for answers. (You’re reading this, aren’t you?)

At night, before going to sleep, find three more things that made your day. Someone smiled at you. A child, perhaps. A friend called. The sunset was gorgeous. An email made you laugh. Three magic moments a night. At the end of a year you’d have over a thousand pleasant memories, especially if you write them down!

You begin to re-grow your love for yourself and for life. That way, you’ll have bundles of love to give away, you’ll be a joy to be around, (which makes you irresistibly attractive), and during those times when you find yourself alone, you’ll be delighted to have your company for a while.

After all, who wouldn’t?

.
Trevor Emdon writes and coaches personal development programs. He is a graduate of Anthony Robbins’ Mastery University. His book “How To Fall In Love When Your Heart’s Been Broken” has a powerful 6 step process for recovery from divorce and loss of love. Find it at www.in-love-again.com

One of the hardest things for any person, man or woman, is letting go of a relationship that’s not meant to be. We are often attached to the illusion that this person is “the One” for us, and that if we don’t have him or her, we’ll never find somebody new.

Holding on to disappointment, hurt, blame, anger, resentment, and bitterness, we convince ourselves that “all men are jerks” or “all women are bitches.”

If you’ve just got out of a relationship and are harbouring a lot of resentment against your partner or against the opposite sex, now is NOT the time to start dating again. Your anger and bitterness will poison even the most loving relationship.

When we hang on to baggage from past relationships, we end up projecting our pain on to others in our lives, our families, children and, eventually, our new partners.

Our emotional baggage is usually rooted in our relationships with our own parents, or in bad relationships we’ve had in the past. We have to lighten our load and heal our pain before we can love again.

Some of the practices you need to cultivate in order to heal yourself are:

? Radical Personal Responsibility: Take responsibility for the role you played in your relationship, either by taking inappropriate action, not acting altogether or expecting too much. Stop blaming your partner. Own your feelings, so you can change them.

? Self-Awareness: Are there patterns that keep repeating in your relationships? Do you have a tendency to get into relationships with abusive people, or become abusive yourself? Become mindful of your reactions to people and situations. Learn to identify your patterns, and the unhealthy beliefs that are causing them.

? Acceptance: Accept yourself and your partner the way you are. Accept the fact that the relationship was not meant to be, that it didn’t work because it was not your highest and best.

? Forgiveness: Learn to forgive yourself for all the damage that your anger and pain may have caused, and forgive others for being human and acting out their own anger and pain.

? Gratitude: Be grateful that you’re out of a bad relationship, so you can be with someone better suited to your needs. Be grateful for all the lessons you’ve learned from your partner.

? Compassion: Learn to look at all people as human beings dealing with their own pain. Spend some time seeing the world through their eyes and you’ll become less judgmental.

? Detachment: Learn to let go of unhealthy attachments to people, things and situations.

? Independence: Stop expecting other people to give you the love and acceptance you should be giving yourself. Learn to meet your own needs, let go of expectations, and enter a healthy, inter-dependent relationship.

? Optimism: Optimism is not essential, but it makes life so much easier. An optimistic outlook, positive attitude and belief that everything happens for the best, can help you bounce back from your loss. Have faith that the best is yet to come.

It takes a lot of tears, hard work, and introspection to break the chains of the past. But it’s worth every moment! The feeling of freedom and contentment that you experience is just awesome.

Getting rid of your anger and hurt will help you stop blaming others for your pain, and allowed you to see your former partner as they really are, a wonderful, sensitive human being with the capacity to love, to care, and to hurt just as deeply as you.

It will allow you to love life again, to see the beauty in every experience, to be non-judgmental and open to new relationships.

No time spent in a relationship is ever wasted. Ever experience is a lesson and only when you learn the lesson will you progress to the next level. So stop beating yourself up over all the years you “wasted” with that “loser.”

If it didn’t work, it was probably not meant to be. You can’t force someone to love you, just as you can’t force commitment or marriage. These are stages that should happen naturally, when it feels right for both people.

Contrary to popular opinion (and sad love songs) love is not meant to hurt. If you’re in pain, what you’re experiencing is not love, but attachment or codependence. Too often we fall in love, not with our partner, but with the IDEA of being in love.

It’s best to let go of a relationship that’s causing too much pain. Instead of wallowing in the past and writing your own sad love song, do your inner work, get rid of the anger and disappointment and get on with your life.

Let go of your partner with love, so you can move past your hurt and learn to love again.

.
Priya Shah writes about self-improvement and women’s empowerment. Click here for relationship tips and advice.

The ink is not even dry and you feel different. You know that you will never be the same. You are irrevocably different. You know that! You feel that! What do you do now? Whether your divorce was your choice or the choice of your partner, you are now different, and you will have to embrace the changes that will come your way.

There are two directions you can now take. The high road or the low road, but the choice will be yours. The latter one leads to resentment, bitterness, and self destruction. You can build anger and resentment toward your former partner which will lead you to find ways of seeking revenge. If you chose this road to walk down you will find yourself arguing and fighting over every minute item. Your emotions will get out of control on this road and you will take much too long to heal while on it.

Words will be spoken that are meant to hurt each other. What will this accomplish? Will you find peace and satisfaction on this road? Many have walked down it. Some never return. Do you think it is worth ruining your life and, perhaps, others while seeking revenge? What about your children, if any are involved?

The higher road is more secure. There is dignity on the higher road. This road is much more promising because it offers such things as: peace, forgiveness, and, most of all, healing. But, make no mistake about it, this road is the most difficult.

This road means taking responsibility for your own actions. It may require that you admit that you need others to come along side of you for support.

Everyone needs help from time to time in life. However, many lack the freedom or courage to ask for help. You may want to browse the self-help books at your local book store to find assistance. If you were belittle by your ex spouse you will have to be in continuos dialogue with yourself presenting positive statements to your inner person.

The higher road leads to forgiveness. In order for you to be set free you will have to release your ex. It is such a simple statement, but one of the most difficult decisions to make, and then, apply.

However, forgiving the one who hurt you is the ultimate means to growth and healing. As much as it hurts to release someone of the pain they brought into your life, it is a necessity.

The ink may not be dry, but you don’t have to wait until it is to take the higher road. You can get on it today!

.
John Long, President of Long Acquisitions, Inc. The company is located in Wilmington, NC and has been in business since July of 2001. Our company is averaging 8 to 12 homes per month. Soon we will be averaging up to 40 transactions per month.
www.changeyourlifewithrealestate.com/

What is the Law of Attraction?

The Law of Attraction states that “like attracts like.” What you focus your attention on expands. Your thoughts are energy, and create a vibration which can be either positive or negative.

Let’s look at an example. Think of a day when you woke up feeling overwhelmed at what’s on your plate. You might have a job to do, children to feed, an ex to deal with, lawyers to meet with. Typically those mornings start the self-fulfilling prophecy where all the balls you’re juggling start to crash down on your head. According to the Law of Attraction, you helped create that downward spiral by the negative energy you put out there and where you were putting your attention.

Similarly, the days you wake up feeling grateful to be alive start a different type of dynamic. The kids cooperate, you get an unexpected check in the mail and your ex pays you a compliment. A challenge comes up but you handle it with grace and success. That’s the Law of Attraction in action, which author Michael Losier defines as “I attract into my life whatever I give my thoughts, energy and attention to, whether positive or negative.”

Did I Attract My Divorce?

Divorce is a painful experience, so according to the Law of Attraction, you played a part in creating that. Why would you attract such a life-altering event? How were you playing a role in your relationship breakdown? These are tough questions to find answers to, especially if you’re still tender from those divorce wounds.

When you and your ex got together, you were likely operating on the same page. Like two transmitter towers, you were connecting on the same frequency. Over time, you shifted to different frequencies. The clear signal was lost in a sea of static. The relationship was no longer a match for you. It can be tempting to assign blame or rationalize the failure of the relationship. But this is like trying to drive a car while looking only in the rear-view mirror. Not only are you missing the scenery, but you’re not seeing where the potholes are in the road up ahead. Divorce happens but it has gifts to offer and you can use the Law of Attraction to move forward.

The Power of Your Word

The Law of Attraction is always in operation and the challenge for us is to become consciously aware of the kind of results we want to attract. Often we attract things into our life simply because we weren’t paying attention.

The words we use are very powerful and have a big impact on how we feel. Our language provides a big clue as to where our time and focus is going. Law of Attraction expert, Michael Losier, teaches that there are three very powerful words we commonly use that bring us results we don’t want. The words “don’t,” “not,” and “no” pull our attention to things we actually don’t desire and send out a negative vibration.

For example, notice where your attention goes in the following statements. “Don’t be late picking up the kids next time.” “I’m not going to let divorce ruin my self-esteem.” Your focus and attention goes to something negative, namely being late and self-esteem being ruined.

Simply reframing these statements can be a powerful way to harness the Law of Attraction to create positive results. How do these statements feel? “Pick up the children on time.” “My divorce is a doorway to new levels of self-esteem.” Stating your desires in a way that you do want makes you feel more positive and open using that language.

Remember, the Law of Attraction is about attracting that which you do want. The words you choose are powerful tools to start the attraction process. The next two articles will cover the 3-step process to consciously using the Law of Attraction. Until then, here are questions to get you started.

Take Action!

1. When you reflect on your divorce, where do you put your time, energy and attention? How do you feel? Spend some time journaling about this.

2. Start the habit of checking in during the day to ask yourself how do I feel?

3. Write out at least 10 statements you use often that contain the words “don’t, not, no.” Rephrase them to be a statement of what you do want.

.
Carolyn B. Ellis, author, spiritual divorce coach and founder of Thrive After Divorce Inc. If you want simple life-changing tips for single parenting, visit Thrive After Divorce now to receive a FREE report.

Why use software to write?

The question should be…

Why NOT use software to write?

There are many smart people in the world that simply do not write well.

They may have trouble organizing their thoughts or they may not understand the basic five paragraph format.

Essay writing software can help.

There was a recent review of an essay writing software program recently in the Writer’s Digest online concerning a software called the Instant Essay Creator…

Some writers have trouble organizing their thoughts into essay format, while others are clueless as to how to write a conclusion. Middle school and high school students often struggle to master the art of writing the standard five-paragraph essays that English teachers love to assign. While there isn’t a writing software program on the planet that can magically transform dull and uninspired writing into an enticing inspirational essay, a quality specialized writing software program such as the Instant Essay Creator is definitely helpful for generating, organizing and developing random thoughts and ideas into a fine essay.

The Instant Essay Creator does not work magic, but it does work hard. What this program does best is guide its user step-by-step through the essay writing process using a template-based program which breaks the essay writing process down into manageable tasks. Using this easy to install program is a breeze, and Sayles, who just happens to be a writer and public school teacher, includes plenty of helpful pointers for assembling, organizing and polishing the standard five-paragraph essay.

The organizational aspects of this program are pragmatic and accessible and will help even the most scattered and disorganized of writers become more focused and productive. Students will benefit greatly from the instructional text, which helps writers develop the critical elements of an essay, such as thesis and point-of-view, while more seasoned writers are certain to appreciate the structured templates, which assist the writer in shaping scattered thoughts into focused and structured sentences and paragraphs.

We’re not talking brain surgery here. What the software basically does is break down the art of essay writing into small steps so that the writer doesn’t feel overwhelmed or get off track. The Instant Essay Creator is not a sophisticated or complex software program, and it doesn’t contain fancy graphics or elaborate illustrations, but it definitely makes the essay writing process less cumbersome and infinitely more accessible.

It won’t instantly churn out elegant prose by the barrelful, but it will guide struggling students through problem areas and it’s a great tool for practicing essay writing. The Instant Essay Creator is a useful tool for battling writer’s block and for increasing overall productivity because it’s a bit like having a writing coach by your side, guiding you along and helping you move forward in the right direction.

What’s the best part of all? It beats staring at a blank page waiting for inspiration to strike!

.
You can view this review at tinyurl.com/afntv .
You are invited to check out Kristi Sayles extensive line of writing software at http;//smartauthor.com and on Ebay.

Before a couple seeks divorce, separation is the usual precursor. There are a number of things couples need to do before seeking a divorce settlement.

From finding the right attorney to getting you finances in order, a number of divorces have long periods of separation before they are finalized.

To be granted a divorce, separation is required first by most states. Many state divorce laws require you be separated from your spouse for a specific period of time before beginning divorce proceedings. By separation, the courts intend for both you and your spouse to be living in completely different residences, not staying in separate bedrooms in the marital residence.

Separation is voluntary most of the time, but there are instances where desertion occurs. Desertion is when a spouse leaves and never intends to return to the relationship. Constructive desertion is when your spouse forces you to leave the relationship, such as in abuse cases. In this instance, the court will not hold you accountable for desertion because it will acknowledge the act was a necessity for personal safety or the safety of children involved in the marriage.

Of all the proceedings that occur during a divorce, separation is usually the beginning. Separation is intended to give both spouses the opportunity to divide up personal property and figure out who will live in the marital residence. When children are involved in a divorce settlement, the separation period is when parents choose where they will live.

It can also be a time when parents discuss the custody issues such as whether or not joint physical custody is a possibility. Other things can be settled during the separation period. Spouses choose between vehicles, pets, furniture or even electronics. When the separation period is over between to people, and no plans of reconciliation are possible, then both spouses need to begin consulting with their attorneys.

Before proceeding with a divorce, separation can be a time when you can get your personal finances in order. This is an important step to take because it will prevent creditors from coming after you if your ex-spouse is unable to make payments on anything in the future. Finances can include giving your attorney a list of all your assets and liabilities.

Then it would be wise to make all your credit cards in your name only, which means informing your spouse you will be canceling any joint accounts. If you own any stocks, then reissue them in your name. You may also need to search for a new broker if the previous one looked after both yours and your spouse’s accounts.

If you have a will and trust, you will need to alter it to exclude your spouse. Finally, make sure all documents and changes are written down and recorded so you will have it on file for the divorce settlement.

When a couple contemplates divorce, separation can be a period of time to help both individuals involved step back and evaluate their marriage. In some cases, a divorce settlement never emerges out of a separation because both parties are able to resolve their issues. Perhaps this is why the courts often require a separation period as a way to show couples all that is involved when dividing up two lives.

.
Mike Selvon owns a number of niche portal. Please visit our divorce portal for more great tips on divorce seperation matters. While you are there don’t forget to claim your free gift.

Most people these days are so caught up in their daily schedule that they fail to realize what is happening to their marriage, whether it is still alive or dead.

When their spouse files for a divorce, they are just shocked because they didn?t even realize that their marriage was breaking up.

The basic rule in a marriage is to have time or to make time for each other. This is lacking everywhere. When you make time for each other, you know what the other person feels about you. Marriage is all about giving and taking with each other. If you keep this basic rule in mind, you can make a big difference to your marriage.

Disadvantages of a Divorce

After a divorce, the couple goes through a lot of emotional turmoil. They also get depressed it takes a long time to get back to normal. More than the couple, the worst sufferers in a divorce are the children. The agony and the mental torture that they go through aren?t justified at their stage in life. They are supposed to enjoy life as children, play happily, study and enjoy their childhood. In most cases, divorce destroys this all as it destroys the family.

The couple also faces a lot of emotional turmoil. Many couples feel at a later stage if the divorce was really necessary. They go through so much of depression and loneliness that they are unable to continue with their life in the same way.

What Can You Do About It?

The first thing you or your spouse need to do when you think of filing for a divorce is to sit down with each other. Discuss the real, true reason for the same and whether anything can be done to save the marriage. If both sincerely sit and talk it out, there is definitely a way to save the marriage. The main reason for a divorce is usually not a very serious reason. It is just that the resentment has been allowed to grow, unchecked, over a period of time.

Recognizing the Reason

First and foremost, make time for each other. Once the initial romance wears off, each one is carried away by his or her work commitments and fails to spend quality time with the other. Have you suddenly stopped going out with each other? Do you feel indifferent towards your partner or vice versa? Do you keep fighting all the time? Do you hate going home after work? Then, it is time to sit down and discuss things seriously with your partner.

Be alert and attentive to your spouse?s emotions and feelings. See to it that you keep each other happy. If you find any slight change in his/her behavioral pattern, please recognize it immediately and try to find out the reason for the same. Problems in marriages need to be fixed then and there and not allowed to grow.

Taking Steps to Resolve the Same

The main reason one looks outside the marriage for emotional and physical needs (Having an affair, in other words) is because one is unable to get the same at home. There is no better solution to this than making a rule at home that once or twice a week the family spends time with each other and catches up with each other?s problems or progress at work and otherwise.

Women are very emotional and take words very seriously. Men should keep this in mind and be careful about the words that they use. Men generally expect little things from their wife and get hurt if they don?t do it. Women need to be receptive to their husband?s feelings and requirements and do accordingly.

Children

If you have children and are filing for a divorce, at least stop and think for the children?s sake. No matter what you do and how you care for them after divorce, things will never be the same for them. Children need both father and mother at home to care for them and love them. Divorce destroys their home and their dreams.

If you don?t have children, then go ahead and have them. There is no better way to revive a marriage than this. The child you have is your own, the result of your love and marriage, your own flesh and blood. There is definitely a better bonding because of children.

Thus, if you really want to make your marriage work, you can definitely do it. If you are unable to do it and don?t know how to proceed, there are marriage counselors that assist couples whose marriage is breaking up. They, as a third party listening to grievances will be able to address issues better and provide a solution accordingly.

If you feel your marriage is on the verge of breaking, stop all other work, take time off and spend quality time with your family. Go out on a picnic or a vacation and revive it. You will realize what you will miss if you get divorced.

.
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see www.quickie-divorce.com